October 4, 2023

A mom is being called out for wanting to tag along on her daughter’s work trips.

She asked Reddit’s “Am I the A******? (AITA)” forum to weigh in. Her daughter is getting a Ph.D. and regularly has to travel because of it. When the mom asked if she could tag along on her daughter’s work trip to Germany, the daughter refused. Now the mom feels like her daughter is being “elitist.”

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“I’m 50, and my daughter is 26,” the mom wrote. “She is getting a Ph.D. and is the first in our family to go to college, let alone grad school. We were talking on FaceTime, and she mentioned she was meeting with an adviser to talk about submitting an application for a grant to go to Germany for two weeks in the summer. I said it sounded awesome, especially since I am half German, making her part German as well, and that I’ve always wanted to see Germany, so maybe I could come out with her and make it a girls’ trip.

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“She said, ‘It’s not a vacation. If I go, I’m going to be teaching and researching and networking the entire time I’m there.’ I said she can do that during the weekdays, and we can go out to dinner in the evenings and then go sightseeing on the weekends. She said it’s already a very cramped amount of time (two weeks in Europe cramped?) and that she wants to spend her free time networking with other ‘academics’ there and making connections at the university. I said I’m happy to also meet the ‘academics.’ She said it wouldn’t work like that, and she’d look childish bringing a parent to all of the events with her.”

The mom didn’t want to hear it and told her daughter off for being “elitist.”

“At this point, I was feeling completely tossed aside, like I’m not good enough to be around her ‘academic’ life and ‘academic’ friends,” the mom explained. “Like she would be embarrassed to have me around. So I said, ‘You need to get over yourself, and quick, because all of these academics aren’t going to be the only people you meet, and not everyone loves you unconditionally to put up with such annoying and elitist talk.’ She just said ‘OK’ and hung up.

“My husband was upset with me because now she’s being short with us. But I know he’s also annoyed at her constantly going to all these research trips and conventions (a Hawaii trip, a Seattle trip, a D.C. trip), and whenever we say we want to come with her (and we’re not even expecting to be paid for, we’d pay for it ourselves), she says she won’t have time, completely blowing us off.”

Redditors thought the mother was being selfish.

“Take your own advice and get over it. You’re not entitled to go on these trips,” a person commented.

“[The mom] is entitled and doesn’t understand the difference between a work trip and a vacation,” a user wrote.

“Why don’t you just listen to what she’s telling you?” another commented.

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